As we get closer to finding out who’s awful and who’s kind of good, people are starting to really go out on limbs. Forgetting that in the end, we don’t really know anything until the season is over. Here are three things that people flip flopped on this past week.

  1. The Patriots defense is the worst of all time.
  2. Cam Newton just had a fluky game of success.
  3. Jared Goff is perfect and can do no wrong
  4. The players and the owners are really on the same page about this protesting thing.  What incredible unity.

Time to go team to team and see what each fan base is thinking about their team right now.

NFC East

Cowboys: Dak is proving week in, and week out that he is one of the best quarterbacks in the game. All he did was score four touchdowns with his one pick being on a dropped pass. But it doesn’t matter when your offense has to walk on eggs shells all game. The defense can’t stop a QB kneel from being a first down as it stands right now.

Eagles:

Oh crap we actually have a good team. Like a REALLLLYYY good team. Wentz is out here again showing why he’s the best quarterback in the division. But the defense is now stepping up too. Don’t let the Eagles beat the Panthers on Thursday or I’m gonna get reallllly annoying.

Giants:

I don’t think any team in the history of the NFL has had a more sudden and crushing end of the season than the Giants this year. Considering that they had playoff expectations coming off an 11-5 season, this was just unforeseen. But then it got worse than losing games when Beckham and Marshall go down for the rest of the season. Time to tank I guess.

 

NFC North

Bears:

Oh wow Mitchell Trubisky played well. Way better than Mike Glennon. Who could have seen that coming except for, I don’t know, EVERYONE?? Now that his first start came against one of the best defenses in the league, and the season is over, I guess it’s time to hope he plays well while the team loses enough for Fox to finally get fired.

Lions:  It’s nice to know that our two losses came to the Falcons off a BS call in the endzone and to the Panthers who had Cam Newton playing out of his mind. Given the talent that we have Caldwell has been doing a masterful job in this first stretch of games. But now we gotta start winning because apparently the NFL is letting cyborgs play in Green Bay.

Packers:

Aaron Rodgers is, say it with me, THE GREATEST QUARTERBACK OF ALL TIME. No he doesn’t have the rings, but when you consider that he’s the reason Mike McCarthy and Ted Thompson still have a job, it’s his greatest argument and biggest deterrent. Did anyone…ANYONE doubt for a second that Rodgers was going to at least tie the game down three with 1:13 left and one timeout. Nope. That’s because he’s just the best to ever throw a football. The best part for Rodgers is he doesn’t have to invest in property because he already owns Jerry World!!!!

Vikings:  Monday night was as deflating a win as I’ve ever had with the Vikings. McKinney played great but he just isn’t Dalvin Cook. The defense played really well but they were facing a rookie quarterback in his first start. Case Keenum got it done but it doesn’t look like Bradford will be the same this year after he put on a show in New Orleans. What a frustrating year this is gonna be.

 

NFC South

Buccaneers:  On one hand we lost to the Patriots on a short week so that is probably to be expected. On the other hand it’s hard to tell if the Patriots are even the Patriots anymore. Winston has to play better but I’ve been saying that for years so…this team kind of seems like one stuck in the middle right now.

Panthers:

DAB ON EM. Beating the Pats seems to have opened new life in Cam Newton. He was a different player than I’ve ever seen from him. The accuracy, the touch, the focus it was all there. The best part is now he’s dancing like it’s 2015. If Cam is Superman again, I think we’re the best team in the NFC.

 

NFC West

49ersKyle Shanahan  is doing a masterful job. You want to end up losing the game but you also want to keep your job. It is the perfect formula to keep dropping these tough games. That way after you get a real quarterback this team will have the confidence that they can compete with anyone. To think if we weren’t tanking we would actually have a winning record right now. Oh well, go Darnold!!!!

Cardinals:

Yeah I saw this one coming. Now we can officially throw our name into the hat of tankitude. I’m done with this crap. Arians has to go and so does Palmer. The defense is now in shambles after letting up open guys all game. We might actually have to get another corner so PP has some help out there. Unreal. It’s ok though because we traded for an old running back to go side to side with our other old running back. Welcome AP! I give you the best offense that 2008 has to offer.

Rams:

KUUUUUUUPPPP. Ugh that would have been a season changing win if he just catches the ball. Goff struggled but who doesn’t against Seattle. He still gave us a perfect shot to win the freaking game if Krupp could have just caught the freaking ball. Also have to run Gurley a little more but this team is right on the door step just gotta be a little better.

Seahawks: Well we got a tough game against a divisional opponent which was good. The better news is for this week Russell Wilson and Pete Carroll can safely walk around Seattle’s practice facility. I actually like that all these other teams are getting the spotlight now maybe people have slept on us and it could be the best thing that could happen for this team. No one is really talking Seahawks right now so maybe that intense level can come back.

AFC East

Bills:

Every Bills fans, or anyone else who has followed this team, will tell you that we saw this coming. The Patriots saw it coming too. It was all right there on the table but it was too easy. Come on to play a Bengals team that has looked generally awful, with everyone in the world finally believing you have a chance to win the division, and at least keep the lead at 4-1. Nah the Bills had to lose this game to still be the Bills. Classic.

Dolphins:  In the game of “My quarterback SHALL NOT KNEEL” we outlasted the Titans crappy backup. Hurray! I still have no idea what this team is, which is actually nice. It means maybe they can squeak into the playoffs somehow. Of course you can’t lose to the freaking Jets, but maybe that’s not a big deal anymore.

Jets:

Crap. Do I want us to win now? I don’t know. Suddenly the Jets have three straight wins and this is the worst thing that could have possibly happened. This team screams 5-11 now, but I have to root for them to make the playoffs or something? It’s ok I’ve watched the Pats fans be arrogant for so long, I think copying that should be a breeze. The J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS are about to take this division from old man Riverwalk now! (Man we can’t even tank right this blows).

Patriots:  Well the division is a wrap and by proxy a first round bye too. Thanks to every AFC team that’s not in the AFC West. Gotta love how the Bills had the early placebo affect that hurts some teams. The Steelers are falling apart and you won’t hear our quarterback talking about hanging them up after every game. The defense started to figure a little something out and if they do, we’re right back in the Super Bowl. Now let’s play some divisional games and boost that record!

AFC North

Browns:

This is ok. This is what we expected. Let’s watch Myles Garrett do some Myles Garrett things as I ponder if we need a quarterback or not.

Bengals:  Another classic game from Marvin Lewis and Andy Dalton.  They beat a team that’s about average. So now people are going to say that this win was impressive or something. The worst thing is the Steelers are struggling now so this team might have a chance to break my heart down the road. Fire Lewis. Cut Dalton. Now before they suck you in for 2018.

Ravens:

It’s nice to know that we can at least beat back up quarterbacks. We’re again just an average team with an above average coach and a below average quarterback. A small part of me wants to actually have fun watching my team play football one of these years but when I watch that beautiful Flacco dump down pass to a running back I get goosebumps.

Steelers:

Well I’ve been predicting this impending dumpster fire for weeks, but now it has ratcheted up even worse than I could imagine. Our team is undisciplined but we knew that already. Have known it for three years. Now we don’t even know if our quarterback wants to play. Big Ben talked about retirement before which was kind of a warning sign but now it looks like he’s already retired. Sad state in the Steel city right now. Very sad!!

AFC South

Colts: Andreewwwww WHERE ARE YOU?????? You gotta come back Luck we actually have a chance to win this division still. I mean the Jags are in first place for crying out loud. It is right there for the taking you gotta come back and make things right. Even with this below average team the Colts have a shot to save Pagano’s job! Wait…Andrew you’re good, sit out.

Jaguars:

Whoa. For years we’ve wondered if this could happen but I’m now convinced. If this team can play even close to their capability we will reach the playoffs in this division. That’s now three blowout wins against three teams that are at least solid. The issue is losing to the bad teams, but we actually might have one of the most complete teams in the league. Thank you Tom Coughlin you have saved us. (As I try to forget that Blake Bortles is the quarterback).

TexansJ.J. Watt will probably never be the same. We saw this with Gronk and now it’s happening again. I think some people are just too big and muscled up to play any sport. Watt’s body is betraying him sadly and that’s just the way it is. Going forward though, the franchise might have a new face. DeShaun Watson is the future of this team and hopefully Watt isn’t the past.

Titans:

I wonder if Colin Kaepernick would have gotten us the one touchdown to given us the edge over the Dolphins to stay in the division lead. On the flip side I know that without him, he won’t be on the field kneeling. Gotta lose to win sometimes.

AFC West

Chargers:

Well another tight loss for our team. You know this team is just in a sad state when, for yet another week, we lose a close game. It’s the curse of- wait huh we won the game? When it was the fourth quarter and close, I just turned it off to watch some NCIS reruns (the best rated show on Sundays in LA I might add). The Chargers won a game…Miracles do happen.

Chiefs:

The bigger debate this year isn’t whether or not the Chiefs will win it all (cause we got this in the bag), but who is even the MVP for this team? It’s kind of like Twilight with team Jacob or team Edward on who to pick. And yes I’m so confident in this team and my masculinity because I root for this team that I’m using Twilight references. Do you pick the rookie running back who leads the NFL in every freaking category, or the quarterback who has 11 TDs to 0 INTs and is completing 70 FREAKIN 7 PERCENT OF HIS PASSES. Someone make a poll so we can break the internet.

Raiders:

The end seems to be near now. If Carr can’t come back soon, I just don’t see us making the playoffs. The other problem is Amari Cooper couldn’t catch a jellyfish in Bikini Bottom. The division is just too strong and all the other AFC teams have it so easy they are getting boosted records as a result. The Jets have a better record than us. The freaking Jets. When did Alex Smith become Joe Montana??? Whatever come on Carr we need you man.

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