The time has come to stop talking about the teams who are in the middle of the pack or lower, so we are condensing the fans we talk with to better signify who’s actually still watching that isn’t a complete die-hard fan. Don’t worry, at Week 15 I’ll go over these squads one final time as we separate the real from the fake.

NFC East

Cowboys:

Alright well first off we didn’t have the best left tackle in football and one of the best middle linebackers, so I knew this was going to happen. Honestly I hope Jerry wins this suspension because Goodell ended up ruining our season with the Zeke suspension. It’s just a fact yeah this team isn’t as good but Dak has no help now, and without Zeke it might be time to tank.

Eagles:

RIC FLAIR DRIP GO WHOOOOO ON A COWBOY!!!! That game was better than winning the lottery!! Beating the Cowboys, by 30, on National TV! I mean does it get any better? Oh it actually does because this is the end of the Dak vs. Wentz conversation, ended for the time being in a huge way. Now everyone gets the hint that these Eagles are a different breed baby!

Redskins:

That was the perfect way to end this year. Our last three losses have all been the prototypical Redskins’ way to lose the games, but this one was just golden. On the road we have the chance to beat the Saints who never lose at home. And we’re beating them the whole way but once they got the ball down 8 I knew we were going to lose. Everything after that was just a formality.

NFC North

Lions:

Man…Do I even want this team in the playoffs to ultimately let me down? I mean jeez we have the easiest schedule you could want down the stretch of a playoff race and at every turn we keep making it harder than it has to be. I mean we almost lost to the freaking Browns last week, but we bounced back and the Bears almost got us. I guess we’ll learn more at Thanksgiving about this squad.

Packers:

Well at least now we know Brett Hundley isn’t the answer for after Rodgers retires. Wait, holy crap…there is no answer for after Rodgers retires…We don’t have any real talent on this team outside of number 12. I really don’t know how McCarthy and Thompson keep their jobs. Oh wait yeah I do. All about Rodgers.

Vikings: 

For all the talk about the Eagles and the Saints and the yadda yadda yadda, all we do is keep SKOLING over teams. It might reach the point where we can’t replace Keenum now. He’s just on such a roll with this team that I think you gotta let the hot hand just keep dishing it out. We’re the most underrated 8-2 team I can ever remember and that’s just how I like it.

NFC South:

Falcons:  Things are finally starting to come together for us. Against the Seahawks in Seattle; that’s a game that we always found a way to lose earlier this year, but I feel like this might be a big step forward. Yes they didn’t have any of the Legion of Boom but hanging on means something. Right? Stop trying to take this away from us.

Saints:

Right when everyone was probably sitting there on their phones ready to kill us for losing to the Redskins (I’m looking at you Falcons’ fans), we came back and took that game. Even without our best defender, we got it done like we’ve been doing since Week Three. The NFC better hope Philly and the Vikes keep winning because if we got home-field, it’s time to party like its 2009!!

NFC West:

Rams: Ouch that was a real punch to the gut. At least this can be a humbling lesson for the offense. Goff wasn’t quite clicking and for the first time in a while Gurley couldn’t get things going. Our offense is going to have to learn how to be consistent against tougher units like the Vikings because we’ve been so boom or bust but after one lost I can’t complain too much.

Seahawks:

What a crappy week this is. First, Sherman is definitely done for the year, then it gets announced that Kam might be out too, and now we are on the outside looking in at the playoff race. We have slowly been trending down ever since the infamous decision but never did it occur to me that we actually are an aging football team. I hate to say it but it might be time for some changes to the LOB.

AFC East:

Bills:  Hey we’re 5-4 but I’ve got a brilliant idea: let’s bench the QB who we striped of all his weapons for a 5th round rookie. Oh and we’re right in the playoff race, but let’s point out that the rookie will get us to places the veteran can’t. Crap he threw five picks, fractured the team and in the end might be the reason that I completely lost them as a unit. It’s fine. Everything is fine.

Patriots:

We’re going to roll to the Super Bowl fam. Sure it’s wasn’t quite the 16-0 season we all thought but we will roll there nonetheless. I mean the AFC has now cleared completely out of the way and we can even lose a game and still get the bye thanks to the Chiefs folding. The defense is back to not being horrible and Brady is the best in the league still.

AFC North:

Ravens: Yay we shut out the Packers without Rodgers. Really I’m not sure what that actually means (probably nothing), but ultimately we keep beating the teams we have to beat I guess. So for another week I watch this practically helpless team and hope something good happens to get us into the playoffs. Wait if we get in the playoffs, that means Flacco will still start…

Steelers:

After all of that drama early in the season we are somehow right there with the Patriots. And further than that, we are even better than the Patriots talent wise. Oh and Ben looks like he still wants to play football so that’s another big caveat. Maybe we got this whole “get hot at the right time” thing down this year. If we just get home-field, it will all be ok.

AFC South:

Jaguars: We are easily the class of the AFC South. Maybe that doesn’t mean anything but we also have the best chance of beating the Patriots. At least that’s what all the people in the media are saying, so I’m gonna believe them. Blake is just good enough right now to not completely wreck every game plan we have either. Just semi-wreck them.

Titans:  Well the Steelers really smacked us back to reality. Now we know truthfully that we can’t really compete with teams at the highest level, which would be great if we fired our coach Geodude. Unfortunately it looks like we are going to waste Mariota’s young years on this staff and their inability to really help us win in the end.

AFC West:

Chargers:  Wow this is the first time in ten years we’ve won a game by more than five points. Or lost a game by five points for that matter. It’s truly crazy the wild turn things have taken because while one rookie coach in this division is starting to lose their team, the other is slowly gaining momentum with every game. Don’t look now but suddenly we’re in the race against a fleeting Broncos team and Reid gonna Reid.

Chiefs:

Well this went from bad to worse. So yeah losing to the Cowboys was just unlucky because we had to play them with Zeke and everything but there is no excuse for this. Why is Andy Reid yet again ignoring the running back we have to let Smith just chuck the ball up in the windiest day of the year against a stud passing defense? Beats the heck outta me.

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