Once a year, we gather with our family and put aside our differences to contribute to something greater, giving thanks for everything that we take for granted. The Big 12 Schools are no different, and this year they gathered for a very special Thanksgiving party.
Texas was supposed to bring the turkey but instead, they brought a special ham they bought in Louisville. Texas expected the ham to be amazing, but nobody at the party really enjoyed it. Even Texas ended up disliking the ham. Near the end of the party, Texas threw out the ham and caused a big scene. Texas Tech brought tortillas, because “tortillas go with everything.” When the tortillas weren’t received well, Tech started throwing the tortillas at the other conference members randomly and unprovoked. Neither Baylor nor TCU brought any food, but they each led very compelling prayers, which everyone appreciated.
Oklahoma brought mashed potatoes, which everyone thoroughly enjoyed. Oklahoma State also brought mashed potatoes, which everybody liked, but not quite as much as they liked Oklahoma’s potatoes. Iowa State brought corn, lots of it. They brought corn on the cob, cornbread, corn pudding, creamed corn, popcorn. If it has corn in it, Iowa State brought it. West Virginia brought some fantastic homemade biscuits, which everyone complimented. West Virginia was also in charge of playing music, but nobody enjoyed their custom playlist, which consisted entirely of John Denver songs.
Kansas State brought stuffing, but halfway through dinner they revealed the stuffing was super old and dry. They said they tried to make new stuffing but it always sucked compared to their old stash of stuffing. Despite its age, the entire conference enjoyed the stuffing. Since Texas didn’t bring the turkey, Kansas stepped up and brought an amazing turkey. Everybody enjoyed the turkey, but some complained that Kansas has brought the exact same turkey for each of the last 12 years. Everybody thinks the turkey is good, but some would like to mix it up every now and then.
The conference was kind of confused why they are called the Big 12, as only 10 people showed up to the party. To solve this problem, they invited a few more schools to the party, namely Houston, BYU, Cincinnati and Memphis. The conference was kinda bummed when none of the schools showed up. That is until they realized they forgot to text the address of the party to the new schools.
Oklahoma hosted the party this year after Oklahoma State hosted last year. However, the conference was excited because starting next year, the parties would be held in Dallas. Nobody would have to host from now on, yay!
After dinner came the most important part of the party. They went around the table and each conference member spoke about what they were most thankful for.
Oklahoma State is thankful for Mike Gundy. For always defending his players from the media, putting a competitive team out every year, for Raspberry Beret being his alarm clock, giving ridiculous answers in press conferences, eating bananas during post game press conferences, growing a mullet for no reason, refusing to acknowledge CMU was a loss and for being the best and most loyal coach in OSU history.
Texas Tech would like to give thanks to Texas. Losing to Kansas just to make them feel better about being murdered by Iowa State was such a sweet gesture and they couldn’t be more grateful. Tech is also thankful for Patrick Mahomes for being the only reason they’re not 0-11. He’s so talented and yet they’re still ineligible for a bowl game. It’s ridiculous, but they love him and are grateful for Mr. Mahomes.
The Wildcats give thanks to Bill Snyder, for giving them over half of their wins in the last 25 years. The fact that they’re not the worst P5 team ever is a miracle and they give thanks for Coach Snyder. They also give thanks to Colorado, for only becoming a decent football team after they left the Big 12, allowing K-State to still have a chance at being competitive.
Oklahoma is thankful for their little brothers from Stillwater. The Sooners rarely admit it, but they truly love the Cowboys with all their hearts. They thank OSU for always being so enthusiastic about Bedlam, despite OU’s historical dominance of the rivalry. They thank OSU for becoming so competitive lately and making Bedlam into a very exciting matchup. They also thank Baker Mayfield and Dede Westbrook for being totally awesome.
Iowa State gives thanks to coach Matt Campbell. Campbell left a good situation in Toledo to coach a historically atrocious team in Ames, Iowa. Their record doesn’t show it, but Campbell has already made a massive impact on this program in less than a season. The days of being a punching bag for the rest of the conference appear to be firmly in the past. Coach Campbell has provided an overwhelming sense of hope to a program desperately in need of it.
Kansas gives thanks to Texas, for losing to them. The Jayhawks had almost forgotten what a conference win feels like. They don’t know how, they don’t know why, but they’re grateful. They also give thanks to Todd Reesing this Thanksgiving. Nobody knows where he is, but he brought them great joy in 07 and 08. Even they don’t believe they were #2 in the country less than ten years ago.
TCU is thankful that the season is almost over as the year has certainly not gone as planned.
Baylor is thankful for the future coaching staff coming in to right the ship and put an end to this nightmare of a season. Especially Jim Grobe, who stepped in and offered some stability, even if it wasn’t a ton of stability, to a very unstable program.
West Virginia is thankful for Dana Holgersen. Holgersen isn’t perfect, but every sideline eruption and terrible hairstyle only make West Virginia love him more. Thanks to Coach Holgersen, the Mountaineers have heavily exceeded expectations, and appear to have permanently taken a seat among the big boys of the conference.
Finally, Texas gives thanks for D’onta Foreman. Call him a beast, call him a monster, call him a light in an endless tunnel of darkness for the Longhorns, call him whatever you want. In a season full of loss and frustration, Foreman has been a constant, driving force, pushing Texas ever closer to the glory days of Texas past.
That wraps up the Big 12’s Thanksgiving Dinner Party, but the Big 12 Bros will surely get together again soon. Ski Trip anyone?