In just a few hours now, Marvel will release its new film, Captain America: Civil War, in America. The movie will see a disagreement within the superhero team, The Avengers, with a war breaking out among them. Known frenemies Captain America and Iron Man split off and form their own teams to fight one another.
The hype for the film has become something of a phenomenon, with discussion of the movie reaching all corners of the Internet. So, it is with great honor and journalistic integrity that I have decided to cater to the interests of the people in an entirely non-exploitative way: matching fictional characters with real athletes.
So, without further ado, the list begins
1. Team Cap – Team Manning
It would not be right to start this off with any less than the Captain himself. While Derek Jeter may have earned the nickname, Manning has earned the status. With charm, skill, and leadership in equal measure, Manning makes the perfect fit as Captain America. The only possible problem is that Manning retired but we’ll bend the rules a bit.
2. Team Iron Man – Team Brady
Arrogant. Greedy. Unliked by most. Skirts the rules. Very, very, very good at what he does. This description is indistinguishable from Tony Stark (Iron Man) and Tom Brady (the QB who wins a lot). Although Manning has retired now, a strong rivalry flourished between the two in their prime years which uncannily mirrored Captain America’s relationship with Iron Man. But now, on to their respective teams. We’ll jump back a bit and begin with Team Manning:
3. Hawkeye – Steph Curry
Team Cap’s first heavy hitter. Just watch, and tell me these are not the same person:
4. The Winter Soldier – Eli Manning
The second fighter for Team Cap, The Winter Soldier is Captain America’s on-again-off-again best friend/sidekick who he also happens to fight against sometimes. It’s kind of confusing, but a lot like a brotherly rivalry.
5. The Falcon – Zach LaVine
After winning the past two revitalized dunk contests, Zach LaVine has proved he has the ability to fly. As another of Captain America’s allies, The Falcon aids battle in the air. And Zach LaVine can get in the air:
6. Ant-Man – Rougned Odor
Ant-Man, still an ally of Captain America, represents the strength and toughness to take town full super villains while the size of an ant. No professional athlete embodies this idea of being so young, scrappy and hungry as Texas Rangers second baseman Rougned Odor. Just under six feet tall and 200 pounds, he isn’t quite as strikingly small as Ant-Man, but has just as much hustle.
7. Scarlet Witch – Ronda Rousey
The final member of Team Cap, Scarlet Witch is very strong and very new. When knocked down in Avengers: Age of Ultron, hero Scarlet Witch took advice from fellow avenger Hawkeye and got right back up. Rousey is currently undergoing her own knockdown, but seeks to get back up like the Scarlet Witc, with her weird magical powers.
And now, onto Team
Brady Iron Man
8. War Machine – Rob Gronkowski
As a primary weapon and friend to Tony Stark (Tom Brady), Gronk was the obvious pick for War Machine. They are both unstoppable forces, but that previous picture may give off the impression Gronk is as serious as War Machine. So this should even it out:
9. Black Widow – Serena Williams
Aside from the intensity and skill which bond them, Serena has one very important characteristic in common with Black Widow: They are both the best, and they know they’re the best. Very few people have ever dominated a sport the way Serena is dominating tennis (and dancing), but Black Widow dominates Covert Operations in the same way.
Okay… that one was a stretch, wasn’t it?
10. The Vision – Mike Trout
Wow, Marvel really scraped the barrel for this one. For those of you normal, not-as-nerdy-as-Justin readers, The Vision is mostly a robot, just with human emotions. And in my mind, Mike Trout is unquestionably the best player in the game right now, and plays like a machine. So he clearly fills the role of The Vision.
11. Black Panther – Kawhi Leonard
Already nicknamed “The Claw,” Kawhi Leonard fills the role of newcomer Black Panther on Team Iron Man. And those pictures go well together.
12. Spider-Man – Christian Pulisic
My, my, how the tables turn. The past couple of super heroic athletes have been big name sports stars as B-list film characters. But Christian Pulisic as Spider-Man is the flip of that. A seventeen-year-old rising star for the US national team and Bundesliga team Borussia Dortmund, he mirrors Spidey’s youth and spunk. Just this April, he broke the record for the youngest person to ever score a goal in the Bundesliga. And trivia: he is two years younger than Tom Holland, who plays Spider-Man in the film.
13. So Who Wins?
So now the final question. Instead of a battle to the death, this is a war of athleticism. Who wins? Peyton’s set of Eli, Curry, LaVine, Odor and Rousey? Or Brady’s set of Gronk, Serena, Trout, Leonard and Pulisic? My pick is easily Brady’s team. So despite my allegiances in the film, I am Team Iron Man here. What do you think? Share your picks in the comments.
Featured Image Credit: Comicbook.com