NFC East:

Cowboys:

Wooo don’t look now but we are back on track!!! We got back to the formula and sure Dak didn’t look great but in the end he’s still young so let him learn. Because, don’t look now, but Zeke is coming back more timely than a Kirk Cousins pick. Oh and Sean Lee, one of the best linebackers of all time, is coming back this week. HOW BOUT THEM COWBOYS!!

Eagles:

Well hey you can’t win every game right? I mean going to Seattle to play that team was just a tough atmosphere. Also freaking Russell Wilson was just too good. That’s why I want no part of him, or Rodgers, in the playoffs because they got that backyard football crap down. Wentz didn’t play great but it’s Seattle so what do you want from him? We’ll be back to the contender status though. Don’t worry.

Redskins: Well that’s the end of that. At least this time they took the misery of hurting us later out of the equation. Now we get a jump start on the, “Is Kirk our long term quarterback? Oh wait, we are going to franchise him again,” conversation. This team just isn’t disciplined enough to really compete, haven’t been for years and I don’t think they will be anytime soon.

NFC North:

Lions:

Well Lions gonna Lions. We really tried to hang on for dear life and you’d think a game against the Ravens would be the perfect way to do it. It was going to be a tough game but normally having Matthew Stafford would be enough to overcome Joe Flacco . Not so. The Ravens smacked us with a sledgehammer which was fun. Sooooo much fun.

Packers: Oooooo boy the league better be scared now. Yeah we booed him, but Hundley got the job done in the end this Sunday. Now all we have to do is beat the Browns and Rodgers should be set to play. That means we have a great chance of going 10-6 and slipping into the playoffs, which would be huge.

Vikings:

Are we contenders yet? I mean I just wanna know because all year I’ve heard that we aren’t for real. Yeah that was us putting one of the best offense in the league in complete check, holding the Falcons down to nine points in their building. At least now we can be considered a little bit, I mean leading the conference at 10-2 and all.

NFC South:

Falcons:

Ouch. Yeah the Vikings are good but I don’t think there is any way in the world that we get held to 9 points with Kyle Shanahan last year. And he just got his second win so that’s not even to say he’s that great. I think Sarkisian just holds us down too much and doesn’t give this offense it’s full ability to fly. You know, like a Falcon. Sorry making bad jokes cause we’re out of the 6 seed now, I’m suffering from something that doesn’t include the word hangover. Literally anything that doesn’t have that terrible word in it.

Panthers: Well that was ugly. The most depressing thing was that we couldn’t even stop them from running the ball. I mean yeah Brees is gonna tear you apart but to have Ingram and Kamara destroy you on the flip side can’t happen. Of course Cam doesn’t look good but he actually has no weapons anymore. Like zero and I think they wanna trade him too.

Saints:

Kamara is the dude for sure!! He’s like a new age Marshall Faulk and we have him on our team matched up with a Hall of Famer still showing that he didn’t lose anything. Also the one seed is still in play. Just gotta keep playing good because I bet the Rams will lose a few. And for the tenth time if we get home field everyone watch out.

NFC West:

Rams:

Yup we just went into Arizona and handled our business. A sign of a really good team. Just another flawless game from Goff and Gurley. Yup we pretty much own this division and aren’t worried about anything right now. Let’s just get home-field and worry about everything else later.

Seahawks: Oh we’re coming and coming quick. Now it is all on Russ, but guess what he doesn’t care. The Eagles really thought they were ready for the moment but then came to the crib and got punched squarely in the mouth. Then there was just no way they could recover because Wilson reminded the NFL what a real superstar QB looks like.

AFC East:

Bills: For one magical drive, it really looked like we had a shot to beat these guys. We drove right down the field ,everything clicking and then…interception 🙁 Right after that I knew the game was over. You just can’t make mistakes like that and expect to beat that freaking team. And by mistakes like that, I mean any mistakes at all period. Oh and of course Gronk with a cheap shot, but the worst kept secret in the world is that the Patriots cheat.

Patriots:

Ho hum. We just marched in there and knew we were leaving with a dub pretty early. The funny thing is that Brady didn’t even have to do much. We dominated them at their own game just pounding them into the dirt. That felt sweet and just reminds everyone that we can win under any circumstances. Gronk should get suspended, yeah, but in the end that won’t matter either.

AFC North:

Ravens: And don’t look now, but playoff Flacco is starting to show up y’all. We are going to nicely slide into the playoff race and be a problem for whoever we play. In fact I guarantee that we win the first game against whoever we play because I don’t think they’ll be ready to deal with us when the playoffs get cranking.

Steelers:

Well just another Steelers/Bengals game. It’s always the same way, low scoring, ugly, very dirty, and with us winning. Now after all that we still are 10-2 and right in the race for the top seed. People gave Tomlin a lot of crap, but he’s right. This is all about the Steelers and Patriots, no one else matters.

AFC South:

Jaguars:

Yeah we beat the Colts whatever. Bortles had one of those weird games when he tries to get us to reconsider if he’s actually good and the defense continues to dominate. The bigger thing is I’m calling out the MEDIA. You know how everyone talks about our division? Have you guys seen the darling child that is the AFC West? They are terrible so stay off our division please and thank you.

Titans:  We just keep on staying in the top of this division. The Jags are actually making this more difficult than I thought before but we just keep on getting it done every week. Again it wasn’t pretty, but we beat the Texans and you can only beat the teams that are in front of you. In the end we just gotta get into the dance and see what happens.

AFC West:

Chiefs:

What in the holy heck is gong on right now? We just lost to the Jets after losing to the Giants. THE JETS…AND THE GIANTS!! One team just fired their coach and GM and the other was supposed to tank this year. I just don’t understand why this team has come apart so much to where the Chargers and Raiders are back in the race at .500.

Chargers: And don’t look now but the curse may be gone!! Suddenly we are one of the hottest teams in the league and things are changing. The big difference is that we actually have a defense that can do something now. It isn’t all on Rivers anymore but we are a complete team like never before. Time to slowly take back control.

Raiders: Big time win for us. Yeah we were playing a dead and walking Giants’ team, but without Cooper and Crabtree that’s still a tall order. And the biggest thing is that Beastmode is slowly coming back into the fold. And now we are in the thick of the playoff race and it’s time to make up for last year’s mistakes.

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