The television industry is riddled with horrendous reality shows nowadays—far too many to count. It’s a wonder how many of these shows stay on the air or retain viewers. In the cesspool of entertainment, I know many people out there are searching for a hearty television show they can sink their teeth into. If you’re a fan of sports AND reality television, then I have got a show for you. This is something surely to provide the most entertainment, albeit in the dark humor genre; a chronicle that offers a harrowing look into a season of the Cleveland Browns.

Here I lay out some key features of my project that embody the tantalizing characteristics of modern reality television. Now this is in the early stages and is just a rough guideline covering a broad overview of the show. Not unlike the Browns, I plan to continue to make the script up as I go. Filming has begun and I hope fans will enjoy my first attempt in the entertainment industry enough to get me a contract.

I present to you my pitch for the pilot season of “Keeping up with the Cleveland Browns”- A noteworthy reality show destined to get great ratings and assert itself atop the pinnacle of entertainment.

Perpetual Quarterback Confusion

You can’t have entertainment without making fans constantly wonder who the starting field general will be on game day. Cleveland’s quarterback dilemma is a lot like Keeping up with the Kardashians: there’s going to be some pointless drama and you’re going to question what you’re doing with your free time; yet, for some reason people are still going to tune in anyways.

This is a key contributor to the entertainment factor. The Browns change their “leading star” more than most daytime soaps. You have to be able to keep your fans guessing, and that’s one thing this team does well.

Since the team’s reinstatement in 1999, the Browns have had 28 different starting quarterbacks. This includes in 2017, when Head Coach Hue Jackson stating the team is going to stick with their rookie quarterback DeShone Kizer through thick and thin, before pulling him in Week 5 to play Kevin Hogan and naming Hogan the starter in Week 6.

After a three-interception game by Hogan against the Houston Texans, Kizer was back to being the starter. But Kizer was yet again benched in the third quarter against the Tennessee Titans in Week 7, this time being replaced by Cody Kessler.

I’m sure this will continue to be a major plot point as the season progresses. How many people will play quarterback? Who will be named the starter next week? How horribly can each chosen one perform after being named starter? Stay tuned next week to see what Huey has up his sleeve.

An Utter Lack of Mental Discipline

Fans of shows such as Naked and Afraid understand that people can have mental lapses when placed in dire situations. When you’re naked, stranded, and lacking the required substances to survive, you have to make drastic decisions that can sometimes back fire. Some participants know they shouldn’t eat a snake uncooked or drink water without boiling it. But without any fire, what is one to do?

The tough-decision-resulting-in-dysentery of my show comes in the form of penalties. Each week, you’ll see players who are undisciplined mentally make stupid penalties in key situations that cause nothing but harm. While some of them are due to a lack of coaching and others may be out of sheer frustration of continually getting their butts kicked week in and week out, it’s hard to fathom how so many mistakes can make it into one episode. But each week is chock full of them!

Prior to Episode 8, the Browns remain tied with the San Francisco 49ers for most penalties. Cleveland’s 58 penalties for 480 yards averages out to 8 penalties and 69 penalty yards a game. This makes for about one mental breakdown prior to each commercial break!

If you’re somebody who enjoys watching somebody throw up from drinking bacteria water or a 40-yard touchdown reception getting called back due to a chop block, this show is for you.

A Dash of Unfortunate Injuries

Emotion is key. Nothing draws people in like a tale of misfortune and overcoming it. Everyone cries for the singer with a tragic past on The Voice. While every team has its share of unfortunate injuries, the plague of ill-health always seems to affect the Browns a little more than others. This year, especially so.

On Sunday, October 22, I myself wept when offensive standout tackle Joe Thomas went down with an arm injury. Thomas had not missed a snap in his 11-year career until Sunday. He had played for 10,363 consecutive snaps in his career. Joe Thomas is the greatest player the Browns have had since their reinstatement in 1999. The ten-time Pro Bowler played through injuries in his past, but sadly, his streak ended.

Another notable injury came Wednesday when rookie star defensive end Myles Garrett went into concussion protocol. Garrett has fared well when he has been healthy, but have had other minor injuries throughout the year. As of Wednesday night, Jason McCourty, Jamar Taylor, Larry Ogunjobi, Jamie Collins Sr, Trevon Coley, and Kenny Britt were all listed as questionable for Sunday’s game against the Minnesota Vikings in London.

The Browns need all the young talent they have if they expect to find a win in their first season. These injuries certainly add to the heightened tension of each episode as viewers yearn for them to make triumphant comebacks.

*To be serious for a moment, I am not making light of injuries. These players are human and it truly is tragic to see these men succumb to unfortunate circumstances. I truly do wish these men a speedy recovery. Watching them stare adversary in the face and bounce back with fire and determination is sure to be the highlight of the season for all of us.

Behind the Scenes

It seems like fans are always wanting more. Regardless of the show, viewers desire more footage, more facts and more info about the shows they love to watch. Just to name a couple of examples, Impractical Jokers: Inside Jokes was added with facts popping up on the screen giving viewers additional information, and Treehouse Masters has voluminous footage not aired on television on their website.

I plan to offer a unique perspective on this “additional information” angle. Have you ever wondered what losing athletes do during the playoffs? Do they watch all the good teams compete to get to the Super Bowl? Or do they carry on with their lives and try to avoid facing the fact they’re on a team that will not know what that feels like for the foreseeable future?

Fans will get a firsthand look at Browns athletes and personnel during the NFL playoffs. Notable clips are sure to include: really-early-offseason-workouts, playoff parties with family and friends and coaches, praying not to receive phone calls regarding their jobs. This is a look at the NFL never seen before. These clips are sure to be…

Raw. Unfortunate. Nerve-wrecking.

If this is picked up…

Thank you for sticking with me this far. If fans enjoy this pilot season of “Keeping up with the Browns” and it gets picked up by a major network to air a second season, I’m sure it’ll be a success.

The season premiere is surely to include a nail-biting inside look of Browns’ fans watching the 2018 NFL Draft. After being 0-7 headed into Week 8, it seems likely that Cleveland will end up with the #1 overall draft pick again. Who will the team draft this year?

The team’s draft picks this side of the millennia have been less than extraordinary. You have the great picks such as Thomas and Garrett, but then you have the much-less-than-satisfactory picks such as, oh, I don’t know, Johnny Manziel.

But with the Browns slated to have 11 draft picks for the third year in a row, surely they can’t all be bad. I’m sure those players will turn out to be gems and the team will be on the right path headed into 2018.

The rest of this season, and next season, are sure to be entertaining. Can the Browns start completing games and look like a team that deserves to be in the NFL? Will Cleveland go 0-16 this year? Is Hue Jackson destined to have a job at the end of the year? How many more quarterbacks will play for the team this year? What amount of touchdown-scoring drives will get called back due to penalties? Will players overcome the plague of injury and make a triumphant return? It’s difficult to say. It’s hard keeping up with the Cleveland Browns.

For quality up-to-date sports reporting, visit our website, like us on Facebook, and follow us on Twitter.

For all your collegiate and professional apparel needs, check out 365 Gameday.

Author Details
Team Manager for Armchair Browns , The Armchair All-Americans LLC
My name is Jacob Gurney and I have always been considered to be “athletically average.” But being a quick learner, I soon accrued an expansive knowledge of the various sports I played growing up. For example, I learned that I am horrible at catching fly balls under pressure and that I can’t dribble a basketball to save my life. Through sports I have gained not only an appreciation for the game, but I have learned valuable lessons as well. I am a die-hard Ohio State Buckeyes fan and I truly believe that college football is life. In addition to the Scarlet and Gray, I root for the Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Cavaliers, and the Cleveland Browns. Growing up a Cleveland fan in rural Northwest Ohio, the most important lesson that I have learned is how to cope with being eternally disappointed and emotionally distraught. Articles will not only be laced with humor, but will also display a willful perpetuation of the endless revolution of many Ohio professional sports fan sentiments—a cycle which constantly fluctuates among unrealistic optimism, aggressive confusion, and numbing sorrow.
×
Team Manager for Armchair Browns , The Armchair All-Americans LLC
My name is Jacob Gurney and I have always been considered to be “athletically average.” But being a quick learner, I soon accrued an expansive knowledge of the various sports I played growing up. For example, I learned that I am horrible at catching fly balls under pressure and that I can’t dribble a basketball to save my life. Through sports I have gained not only an appreciation for the game, but I have learned valuable lessons as well. I am a die-hard Ohio State Buckeyes fan and I truly believe that college football is life. In addition to the Scarlet and Gray, I root for the Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Cavaliers, and the Cleveland Browns. Growing up a Cleveland fan in rural Northwest Ohio, the most important lesson that I have learned is how to cope with being eternally disappointed and emotionally distraught. Articles will not only be laced with humor, but will also display a willful perpetuation of the endless revolution of many Ohio professional sports fan sentiments—a cycle which constantly fluctuates among unrealistic optimism, aggressive confusion, and numbing sorrow.

1 COMMENT

LEAVE A REPLY

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.